Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
