i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
