i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
