i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
