I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
