Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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