Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
