Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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