why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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