What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
