No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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