The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
