sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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