don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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