woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And then he peed in my hair
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
