Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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