as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
