Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We need to rekindle our bromance
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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