I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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