What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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