No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
