Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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