It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
