I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
