Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
