Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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