I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
