Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
