there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You need a sexual gate keeper
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
