Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
