I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
