Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
