I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
