She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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