he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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