i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
