Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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