Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
