Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
