his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
