Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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