my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
