Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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