So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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