why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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