do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
