ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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