i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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