You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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