Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
