I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
